NOVELLA: USS STONEHENGE: ("Counselor Heal Thy Self")

From: Sarah Albertini-Bond (serendipity77_at_gmail.com)
Date: Sat Sep 01 2007 - 18:43:39 PDT


"Counselor Heal Thy Self"



An FRPG Novella








Chapter 1 – The Very Best Counselor Ever


=/\=
Location:  DREAMSCAPE
Stardate: 2.70901.1745
Scene:  SFA – Nathan Hale Complex
TI:  Six years ago

The Nathan Hale complex was one of the few complexes on SFA's
sprawling campus in San Francisco that required prior approval before
entering.

Cadet Phia had managed to get the approval to get in.  Now standing
outside a silver door in an otherwise unremarkable corridor she stood
there not knowing whether or not she should go in.  Her slight nibble
on her lower blue lip was the only visible indication of nerves.

"In or out Cadet," came the voice from behind her.  "Intel needs you –
it's up to you if you'll answer the call."

=/\=
Location:  USS STONEHENGE
Scene:  Phia's Quarters
TI:  Now

Phia woke up in a cold sweat, sitting straight up in her bed panting
as if she'd run a marathon.  Looking over at the chrono she saw it was
0254 and she wasn't due to be on duty for many hours.

Her breath coming in shallow gasps, the Bolian/Vulcan swallowed the
lump in her throat.  Calming her heart, the woman breathed in and out
slowly trying to catch her breath.

"Computer lower room temperature by 5 degrees," the Lieutenant called out.

[[Room temperature lowering,]] the computer replied.

Nodding to herself, Phia laid back down.  But every time she closed
her eyes she kept seeing that blank hallway.  So she stayed away and
stared at the ceiling for the next four hours.

=/\=
Scene:  Intel Center

Rogers and Hammerstein came out of the inner sanctum of the Intel
Center to where the ILO was sitting in the outer office.  The Bynares
spoke to themselves, in their native binary language, and both agreed
that the ILO was acting strangely.  For instance, today she was
sitting in the outer office reading reports quietly, which was unlike
her normal self of asking for the Bynares to upgrade her equipment or
looking for data to send back to SFI.

"Lieutenant Phia, we have – "

"—information for you."

The azure woman looked from the report she wasn't reading.  "What?"

"The USS ONEIROI has asked– "

"—for permission to dock at E4."

Phia didn't even look up from the PADD she barely was reading.
"Well…that puts a crimp in my activities."

=/\=
Scene:  Phia's Quarters

"Come on!  It'll be fun," Izzy said as she danced around Phia's
quarters.  Doing a sommersault she said, "You know when I'm upside
down that sculpture looks different than when I'm right side up."

"My mother was experimenting with points of view when she made that,"
Phia replied as she sat in her chair watching the aSec bop around her
quarters.  "And no, I'm not going."

"But E4 will be fun," Izzy replied as she went to stand on her head
and look at another sculpture.  "And I'll be there so you should be
there too."

"So would winning the intergalactic lottery," the ILO pointed out.
"But that doesn't mean it will happen.  My answer remains the same –
I'm not going."

=/\=
Scene:  Ten Forward

"Come on down to E4 during the shoreleave with me and my kids.  It'll be fun."

"Just because something is fun doesn't mean you should do it!" Phia
snapped as she slapped at the table between herself and Ardy
Budega-Jorman.  It was another one of their "Oh I just happened to be
in here and see you in here and thought I'd join you for a drink"
moments.  Sometimes it was Ardy who joined Phia's table, under the
pretense of keeping an eye on her for Izzy's sake.  Today it had been
Phia's turn to join Ardy's table under the pretense (which really
wasn't much of a pretense in her case) of preferring his company to
most of the ship's.   During these moments, one drink lead to two
which lead to an order of appetizers and mindless discussions where
usually Xav'ion did his best to tease the ILO and the ILO offered her
best disdain without her usual bite so it sounded more like teasing
than ripping his head off.

Funny how they had a lot of these "impromptu" drinks.

Giving him a look she said, "If one of your kids said that dancing on
ROMULUS was "fun" would you let them go?"
	
"Hah, your arguments are getting weaker.  This is hardly the same
thing and you know it," Ardy rolled his eyes and sat back in his
chair.  "I did have the idea, however misguided, that some things in
life should be fun.  No dancing on ROMULUS does not count but a day at
the beach does."

"That's fine but just because it'll be fun doesn't mean we should do
it," Phia argued.  Scrubbing out a stain on the tabletop she muttered,
"Go to E4 with your kids.  Someone has to stay on the ship."

Xav'ion frowned at that.  Phia usually enjoyed their debates and met
them head on.  Her avoiding his eyes and pushing off the topic was
unlike her.  "What are you avoiding?" Ardy asked quietly.  "Can we
talk about it?"

"No."
		
Ardy sighed and decided not to push it further.  The one thing he had
learned during his time with Phia was that unless it was really worth
it, then it was wise not to push it.  So he dropped the subject for
now but he had to admit to himself that he was concerned.  "You ok?"
he asked.

Phia glared at him through veiled eyelashes.  "Why?"

"You're holding your head as if you're in pain," he said checking her over.

"It's just a headache, I must have had too much to eat and drink," the
Bolian replied as she rubbed her temple.

**You hardly touched your drink and food,** Ardy thought to himself.

=/\=
Location:  E4
Scene:  Beach
TI:  Next day

Daisy Davidson was enjoying the blissful quiet atmosphere of the beach
at E4.  LJ, Erika, were all off playing down by the shore while LJ sat
off by himself strumming his guitar and she could keep an eye on them
while sitting on the chair drinking the lovely frosted frozen drink
she had in her hand.

"Dr. Davidson?"

Daisy looked up and shielded her eyes against the glaring sun.  Seeing
a young Terran before her in blue medical uniform with one full pip
and one hollowed out pip at his collar.  Unfortunately he wasn't a
medical personnel that she was familiar with.  Smiling at the man,
Daisy put down her drink on the nearby table and said, "Yes, I'm Dr.
Davidson, but I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage because I don't
think we've met before."

"Oh right, sorry.  I'm Dr. Samuel Sperling," he smiled while offering
his hand.  Once Daisy shook it he said, "You can just call me Sam."

"Well hello Sam, I'm Daisy."  Gesturing to the empty beach she said,
"I'd offer you a seat but…"

Shaking his blonde head the young doctor smiled, "No problems."
Nervously swallowing the lump in his throat he said, "What I'm about
to say could get me in some trouble but I have to do it."

Sitting up straighter Daisy became more serious.  "What's wrong?"

"See I pulled some strings and I found something…"  Sam sighed.
Looking off into the ocean he gathered his thoughts and said, "Is
Counselor Phia on your ship?"

"*Counselor* Phia?" Daisy asked, astonished that the snarly
Bolian/Vulcan was *ever* a Counselor.

Nodding he said, "Yeah.  Like I said, I pulled some strings and found
out that after the ONEIROI, Counselor Phia was transferred to the
STONEHENGE and I couldn't find the CNS there listed but I saw your
name under CMO.  Anyways I was wondering…is she there?  Is she ok?
I've been terribly worried about her.  I mean besides the fact that
she was the best Counselor we've ever had after all that happened, I
can't imagine she'd be ok…I guess I'm just worried about her is all.
We were good friends, and she helped me out a lot, and…well there was
that whole thing with her lover and then Internal Affairs…I just worry
about her.  She was such a sweet woman that I don't think it could
have been easy on her."

Daisy sat there slightly opened mouth.  "Phia?" she asked.  "Average
height, half Bolian, half Vulcan, full Lieutenant?"

Sam smiled at that.  "Yep that's her.  Oh good I haven't made a
mistake.  I'm sure she's still traumatized and I don't know what
affect seeing me would have so that's why I thought to find you and
ask.  How is she?"

"*Counselor* Phia?" Daisy asked again.  Shaking her head she muttered,
"I'm having a stroke right?  A hallucination?  What did they put in my
drink?"

"What's the matter?" Sam asked.  Kneeling down by Daisy he took his
tricorder out and scanned her.  "You seem fine."

Daisy waived off the other doctor's tricorder.  "Phia…was…your…Counselor?"

"Yeah," Sam replied still holding the tricorder.  "Like I said best
one we ever had."  Tilting his head to the side he asked, "Why?
What's her position on your ship?"

"Intel," Daisy whispered.

The color drained out Sam's tanned face.  "No," he whispered.  "That
couldn't be right.  Phia used to yell about Intel all the time.
Saying they were nothing but a bunch of abusive thieves in the night.
It was the only thing she ever got upset about."

"It's what she does," Daisy said quietly.  "She came to us from SFI.
They said she had been in the field…"

Sam shook his head and stood up.  "There must be a mistake.  We must
be talking about a different Phia, that's the only way this makes
sense."  Nodding at Daisy he said, "Sorry to have bothered you.  I'd
appreciate it if you didn't say anything."

"Wait!" Daisy yelled as she scrambled to get out of the chair.
"Wait!" she called out again to the retreating figure.  Sighing she
realized he wasn't stopping for her yells, and that she couldn't leave
the kids, Daisy dove for her beach bag.  Grabbing her commbadge she
tapped it and said, "Davidson to Aspinall."

[[What's up?  Need another drink already?]] she heard her friend joke.

"This is serious," Daisy replied.  "I just got approached by someone
who used to serve with Phia."

[[We can't be held responsible for what she did on other ships.  I'm
not gonna have every officer yelling at us because she's ticked them
off,]] the XO replied.

"No, he said she was their Counselor," Daisy replied.  "The very best
Counselor that they ever had."

There was the sound of a glass crashing over the commbadge before
Peter replied, [[Come again?]]

Daisy snickered at that.  "Well at least I'm not the only one stunned.
 Peter, what can we find out about the ONEIROI?"

=/\=
TI:  Later

Drake was lying out in the sun with Lara enjoying listening to the
surf crash on the beach.  It was lovely to be able to sit here, hand
in hand, with his love and rest.

"Honey," Drake said loudly enough, "Peter is coming and it doesn't sound happy."

Lara chuckled at that, still keeping her eyes closed.

"How do you do that?" Peter asked, nearly whinging, as he got closer.
"I'm walking on damn sand without my shoes – how could have possibly
heard me?"

Drake waved his free hand in a dismissive gesture.  "I know things you
couldn't possibly know about," he said with an air of grandeur.

"Fantastic, just what I was hoping for," Peter grinned.

"And that would be my cue to go and get more drinks," Lara smiled as
she got up.

Once Lara was out of earshot, Peter plopped down on the sand he turned
to the former-Intel Officer and asked, "What do you know about Phia's
past?"

Drake looked over at the XO and his merry expression was gone.  "I've
been waiting for this question since she's come aboard."









Chapter 2 – Mysteries with a side of Enigmas


Location:  EARTH
Scene:  SFA – Nathan Hale Complex
TI:  Six years ago

"I don't know why we're bothering with you.  You'd never make it as an
Intel Agent."

Cadet Phia blinked her eyes against the harsh light in the room.  "But
I want to make it," she responded.  "Tell me what I have to do to make
it."

"Let me explain to you something," a man whispered in her ear.  "There
is no "me" in Intel.  You will no longer exist.  The sooner you let go
of your own ego and existence, the sooner Intel will have its newest
agent."  The man paused a moment and asked, "Now…are you, that is what
is left of *you* willing to give up everything else to become what we
need of you?"

Phia looked up at the man.  The harsh lights made it difficult to make
out his features.  "Yes," she whispered.

"We will break you and remake you," he said.  "There will be no Phia
left as you know yourself.  The only Phia that there will be will be
the one that Intel needs."

=/\=
Location:  E4->USS STONEHENGE
Scene:  Hangar->Loading Bay->Brig

Sam Sperling paid off some of the guards in the complex, and snuck
past those he couldn't.  Sighing he waited until the guards changed
shifts at the Loading Bay before sneaking aboard the USS STONEHENGE.

He truly believed what he told Dr. Davidson that Phia wouldn't be
Intel.  However he truly did believe what Daisy said – that Phia was
Intel here.  That just didn't jib with the Human doctor so he had to
check it out for himself.

And he figured he'd be in trouble anyway so he might as well be go all
the way and see for himself where Phia was.

Running as fast as he could, Sam didn't stop until he hid behind a
series of tall crates.  Inhaling sharply he crouched down and listened
to the guards chatter.

"So why are you here, Ardy?" the first man said.

"Someone's gotta stay on the ship, Landwyn," Sam heard the second man
reply.  Peeking up Sam noticed that the second man was older than the
first man but clearly they seemed to be rather friendly with each
other.

"I'm sure your kids were thrilled with that answer."

"Oh they were since they were going ashore.  They're with some of
their friends."  The older officer gave a chuckle, "I'm going to be
responsible for babysitting half the ship's kids when this is all
done."

"All this to stay with Phia."  Sam's ears peaked up at that and
strained his neck to look over at the officers as they made their
sweeps.  "Half the time she drives you crazy, Ardy, and the other half
of the time you're trying to figure out how to get closer to her.  I
just don't get it."

The man named "Ardy" didn't say anything to this and Sam was wondering
if he'd respond at all.  Finally he stopped his rounds with the
officer and said, "So how's Izzy?"

That got the younger Security officer to flush at that.  "Shut up."

"Thought so," the man nodded before continuing his rounds.  "So then
until you figure that out, Phia and I are…"

Unfortunately for Sam the officers were going off in the opposite
direction from him and while he could have used that time to escape,
he really wanted to hear about this Ardy with Phia.  That was
definitely worth finding out about.

Sam had many good qualities that included undying loyalty and a keen
intelligence.  Unfortunately, he had the grace and skill of a targ in
mating season.  It was little wonder that when he tried to climb up on
the boxes that he had been hiding behind, he did a poor job of it and
tumbled backwards onto the ground, pulling the boxes down on top of
him.  This caused enough of a racket that the two officers he had been
listening to came over, with weapons drawn to find out what the
commotion was.

Holding up his hands Sam said, "Don't shoot."

Within moments Sam, Landwyn, and Ardy were in the brig with Sam behind
a forcefield.  "And you're here why?" Landwyn asked.

"I'm here to see Phia," Sam admitted.

Landwyn gave Ardy a glance and said, "That's all you, man."

The Betazoid/Bajoran/Vulcan nodded at that and looked curious.  "You know Phia?"

"Yeah," Sam said giving a rueful grin.  "She's gonna kick my ass when
she hears about this."

"I would except they have a forcefield up.  I do believe that is to
protect society from you but in your case it's an exception to protect
you from me."  Phia stood behind Landwyn and when he stepped out of
the way the others could see her standing there absentmindedly rubbing
her temple while glaring at the man behind the forcefield.  "It would
be you Sam who'd do such a stupid thing.  You successfully broke onto
a secret ship only to pull a damn cargo load on top of yourself."

"I've missed you too," Sam grinned.  Suddenly Sam's face fell as he
saw the black uniform Phia wore.  "You are Intel," he whispered.

Phia didn't even bat an eyelash.  "I always was."

=/\=
Location:  E4
Scene:  Beach
TI:  Simultaneous to above

Maddie was sitting in her beach chair looking over at Daisy.
"Really?"  Sitting back in her chair she asked again, "Really?"

"Really," Daisy replied.  Sitting down opposite the CO she said, "I
spoke with Dr. Sperling and he said Phia was their Counselor.  And I
know it's none of my business but I have to admit, Maddie, that I'm
curious about this."

"It is curious," Maddie agreed as she drank a Vulcan Mocha.  "ONEIROI?"

"Yes."

"Alright we'll keep an eye out for it," Maddie replied.  "I'll push a
few buttons and figure out what's going on."

[[STONEHENGE TO ZANDERS,]] the commbadge blared.

"Yes," Maddie replied.  "Pol'Gra?"

[[Correct,]] the aOps replied.  [[I thought you'd want to know that
Security apprehended someone trying to break onto the ship.  According
to Security the person was coming aboard to see Lieutenant Phia.]]

"Who was it?" Daisy asked as she glanced at Maddie who nodded.  "Who
was the person trying to come aboard?"

[[Standby.]]  After a few moments Pol'Gra came back online.  [[It was
a Dr. Samuel Sperling, Lieutenant Junior Grade.]]

"That's him," Daisy whispered.

"Thank you Pol'Gra, we're on our way back," Maddie said.

=/\=
Scene:  Beach (another one)

"So…if you want my opinion on why our ILO is the way she is," Drake
said as he wrapped up his long story, "that would be it."

Peter sat back and shook his head.  "I was expecting to hear about a bad case."

"Oh she's had that too," Drake admitted.  "Her last one before joining
the STONEHENGE was particularly nasty."  Shrugging his shoulders he
said, "But I think that no matter how you look at it her training had
more to do with how she is than anyone realizes."

"Tene can't be allowing this!" Peter replied.

"Tene works with what is given to her, recruits from other fields when
she can and deals with what comes out of SFA," Drake responded.
Sighing he said, "She's trying to change the system but let's be
honest, she's had her hands full these last few years.  And the agents
out of Phia's year are only beginning to show cracks now, it might be
decades before we fully know the impact of this."

"Great, just great," Peter sighed.  "What else can go wrong?"

[[STONEHENGE TO ASPINALL]]

"Why have you not learned not to ask that?" Drake grinned as Peter
scowled grabbing his commbadge.

=/\=
Scene:  Interrogation Room->Brig

Maddie sat in the Interrogation Room – not because she was under
suspicion of anything – but because it was the largest area in
Security where she could talk about this situation with Landwyn,
Xav'ion, and Phia.

After being caught up on everything the Vulcan/Human held up a hand
and asked, "And this Dr. Sperling was able to sneak aboard?"

"Part of this had to do with lax procedures at the E4 complex,"
Landwyn replied.  "Dr. Sperling admitted he bribed some of the guards
to let him past.  After that it was a matter of ducking and weaving."

"I'll take that up with the Admiral," Mad'hron promised.  "In the mean
time, Phia, do you know this man?"

"Yes," Phia nodded.  "We served aboard the USS ONEIROI
together…although on that ship I was the CNS."

Matthew Boone-Aspinall ducked his head in, "Captain, there's a Captain
Jack Keefe from the USS ONEIROI asking to come aboard to see you and
Dr. Sperling."

Maddie looked over at Phia.  "Is he the CO of the ONEIROI."

Phia actually winced at that and rubbed her head.  "Yes, Jack is the Captain."

"Let him on," Maddie replied.  Standing up she said, "In the meantime
I want to talk to our prisoner."

As Maddie and Landwyn left the room, Ardy grabbed Phia's arm to keep
her back.  "Are you ok?" he asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked.

"You've been grabbing your head more and more," he replied.  "Do you
need something for it?"

"No, it's just a headache," she replied.  Smiling wryly she said,
"You'll have one after meeting Jack."

After a few minutes Ardy knew what Phia meant.  A large,
barrel-chested man with salt and pepper wavy hair came stomping into
the Brig with his massive black cowboy boots.  "Where is that
son-of-a-bitch?" he yelled.  Turning to see Sam sitting behind a
forcefield he waved his hands up in the air and scowled, "Sam, you are
dumber than an oyster.  Well shit if this doesn't beat all – you've
managed to drag your crazy-ass-schemes onto some group of unsuspecting
souls.  Con-grat-u-fucking-lations, you've managed to one-up-yourself
in the 'How do I make Jack crazy today' department and I already
thought you were already the god-damned Chief of that."

Maddie took in the large, clearly Texan, older Captain and stepped
forward.  Clearing her throat she offered, "Captain Keefe?  I'm
Captain Zanders."

"It's Jack," Keefe replied holding out a hand.

"Maddie," the CO of the STONEHENGE replied.  Restraining herself from
a combination of laughing and shaking her head she said, "We seem to
have a situation here."

"Can I just say on behalf of the ONEIROI we're real sorry about this
mess," Jack said the picture of contrition.  Turning to the brig he
warned to the occupant more than to the Captain he was addressing, "I
promise you, Sam is gonna be scrubbing out every latrine and nacelle
with a toothbrush if it's the last thing he does.  After working every
Delta shift from now until he retires."

"Jack, you say that every time Sam does something and it doesn't work.
 If he's dumber than an oyster well you must be the oyster's mother
for thinking that will work," Phia drawled out, mimicking the Texan's
accent perfectly.

The large Texan CO turned around and shook his head.  "It would be
you," he said.  "I couldn't figure it out until now."

"Why are you not surprised, Jack?" Maddie asked, finally sensing a
light at the end of the tunnel as to why Sam was here.

"Should I explain or should you?" Jack asked Sam.

Sam shook his head.  "It's Captain's prerogative."

"This gets to be my prerogative, how novel," Jack growled.  Shaking
his head he said to Maddie, "Sam over here has an overdeveloped sense
of obligation to our Miss Phia here for saving his life.  As a result,
and I'm taking a gander here knowing the twit, that he feels the need
to save hers.  That's why he's thrown himself aboard your vessel, I
bet you all he's trying to save her."

Phia looked around Jack at Sam.  "Save me from what, Sam?"  She might
have thought Sam was never gonna make an Intel agent but she did,
somewhere down deep, respect his intelligence.  If he thought
something was wrong, there was a chance something was wrong.  It was
just with Sam that just because he knew something was wrong didn't
mean he knew how to fix it as the latest predicament showed.

Jack nodded at Sam's glance.  "Tell her," he said gruffly.  "You came
all this way – you might as well be the one who tells her."

"Ry Barnes got released from SING SING II," Sam told Phia.

The ILO furrowed her brow at that.  "That's impossible.  He was sent
away for life for crimes against the Federation."

"Jury tampering – they found evidence of jury tampering.  As a result
the verdict got thrown out and he got released," Sam replied.
Blinking his blue eyes Sam looked terribly apologetic, "I'm sorry, and
I know that Jack said you weren't to be bothered—"

"Jack said what?" Phia growled swiveling her head to look the large CO.

"—but I had to find you to tell you," Sam finished off.

"From one mystery to another," Maddie sighed.  "And who is Ry Barnes?"

"Ryland Barnes was my Chief of Security until he was arrested for
accepting bribes from the Romulans and trading secrets," Jack
explained, leaning up against a wall.  "Phia was our Intel Agent
assigned from Internal Affairs to root out who on my ship was the
traitor.  However, we had to get the crew to trust her so we had her
go undercover as our CNS."

Maddie nodded at that, even as the Security officers in the room
looked surprised.  "Was she qualified to practice, though?"

"I was a Counseling major before switching to Intel," Phia replied
softly.  "I was going to be a Counselor when I entered the Academy."

Xav'ion looked over at the azure woman, astonished.  "What changed?"

"I was recruited and offered…well I was offered," the ILO replied
shrugging her shoulders.  "I have taken all the classes necessary to
be a Counselor – I just hadn't passed the certification examination."

"It worked," Jack replied.  "And I was the only one who knew she was
Intel.  At any rate she did her job – both of them in fact.  She
counseled people and rooted out the traitor."

"How?" Landwyn asked.  "How did you know it was Barnes?"

"He told me," Phia replied.

"He just upped and confessed one day?" Landwyn asked, skeptically.

Phia glared at him.  "More or less."

"It was after they had slept together.   They were lovers," Sam piped
up.  When Phia swiveled her head around to glare at him, the doctor
had the good graces to look chagrined.  "Sorry, I thought it was my
turn to talk."

"See I told you something would happen to you if you slept with her,"
Landwyn hissed to Ardy under his breath.

Jack looked at Maddie.  "Anyways, Barnes was arrested and Phia was
transferred soon after.  I told my doctor here, who as you may have
noticed is a few beans short of a chili not to try and find her, that
she was too psychologically scarred after everything.  For most people
the thought of psychologically scarring a woman who saved your life
once would be enough not to contact them."  Looking at Sam he asked,
"What would I have had to say to get you to stay away?"

"I was gonna go and find Phia no matter once I heard Barnes was
getting out," Sam replied.

"Well at least I didn't waste my breath too much," Jack muttered.

Phia rolled her hazel eyes at that.  "Jack," she snapped, "of course
Sam wasn't going to believe that!  The Counselor suddenly became too
psychologically fragile?"

Jack suddenly looked rather sympathetically at the ILO, Maddie
noticed.  "Phia honey, how are your headaches?" he asked quietly.

"I don't have any headaches," Phia muttered.

Xav'ion looked over at the stubborn ILO.  "Yes you do.  You've been
rubbing your head constantly for the last day."

"The headaches have returned?" Sam asked.  Getting up from his cot, he
moved over to the forcefield, "How often?  What intensity are they
at?"

"How are those memories?" Jack asked quietly.  When Phia said nothing
he continued on.  "The dreams?  Have you gone back to waking up in the
middle of the night shaking?"

Maddie held up a hand to hold off her crew from asking questions.
"Lt. Phia, are you well?"

"I'm fine," Phia seethed.  Seeing the glances around at her in the
Brig she backed up a bit.  "Stop staring at me."

"That was a real reason why I told Sam not to follow you," Jack sighed
sadly.  "I was genuinely afraid of what seeing him might do."

"That's just a lie," Phia snarled.  "I'm fine.  I know who I am.  I
know what I'm doing."

With that she spun out on her heel and left the Brig.

Ardy looked at Maddie who nodded and said, "Go follow her."  Once the
aSec left Maddie turned to Jack and said, "I have to say that all of
this is a bit of a surprise."

"I know the Barnes mess is a surprise and I am sorry about this," Jack said.

Maddie shook her head, "No…well yes that is a surprise.  But you were
insinuating that Phia has been having some medical problems and that
you knew of it.  Headaches?  Dreams?"

"Doctors are the last to recognize they have a physical problem," Jack
said, "and Counselors, or would-be Counselors, are often the last to
realize that their psyche needs help.  Phia is going to break apart
psychologically speaking.  It's why she was taken out of the field;
SFI is wiping its hands of her.  They broke her down and rebuilt her
into what they wanted.  But you can't do that with a Human mind,
eventually the Human mind is going to fight back.  Hers is fighting
back, and being the stubborn soul that she is, she's fighting that.
She's going to have a break, I'm afraid.  I was hoping being on a
calmer ship, being around people who didn't know about her past, would
allow her to take stock and rebuild herself.  I don't think it has,
though."

"You keep talking about rebuilding herself but how can you rebuild an
organic person?" Maddie asked.  "She's not a machine."

[[Budega-Jorman to the Brig.]]

"What's up Ardy?" Maddie asked.

[[I had Phia transferred to Sickbay,]] he said quietly.  [[I'm there
now with her.]]

"What happened?  Did she… lash out?" Maddie asked.

[[No, just the opposite.  We were walking out the Brig, she was a bit
ahead of me and then suddenly…she just stopped.  Stopped walking.
Stopped yelling.  She became quiet, still and unaware of her
surroundings.]]

"Thank you," Maddie said.  "Can you stay with her until we get there."

[[Of course,]] Ardy replied.  [[Budega-Jorman out.]]




























Chapter 3 – To Dream, Perchance to Sleep

Location:  DREAMSCAPE
Scene:  Nathan Hale Complex – SFA
TI:  Six Years Ago

"Do you know what this is?"

"No," Phia replied.  She was sitting on a metal chair in a room that
was bare except for the two-way mirror across the way and a man
sitting in the corner.  She was tied back to her chair and couldn't
move any of her limbs.

The six wooden rods positioned around each of her fingers, all
interconnected by wire, tightened as the man across the room yanked on
the wire.  The result was that the wooden rods pushed between her
fingers, and if enough pressure were applied, then the fingers would
be broken.  All the Bolian/Vulcan knew was that she was in more pain
right now than she ever had been.

The man across the room smiled at that.  "Have you not learned yet,
Cadet?  You fake your way, even if you don't know the answer.  You
confess nothing.  You are always to be the superior person.  Admitting
you do not know something is a weakness.  Now for your screams, I
won't tell you the name of the device we used.  Just know this – that
your ignorance will cause you more pain than lying ever will."

Phia screamed again as the man pulled on the wire, causing the wooden
spoons to crush her fingers.  Over the seemingly deafening pops of her
fingers breaking, the man asked, "Now…do you know what this is?"

"YES!  YES!  I know what this is," Phia sobbed.  Unable to bend over
or even slouch down, the young azure woman sobbed into her chest.

=/\=
Scene:  CMO's Office*Sickbay

Maddie and Jack sat in Daisy's office with Peter and Drake standing
behind them, having joined the CO's in the CMO's office having heard
about the ILO's breakdown.  "She's in a waking coma," the CMO
explained.  "Physically she's fine but it's pretty close to catatonia.
 She's just broke down emotionally."

"Both of you keep saying she's broke down," Maddie said, "but she's
not a machine.  Lt. Phia may be many things, not all of them pleasant,
but even she's got the right to recuperate from whatever has ailed
her."

"She never had the chance to," Jack said quietly.  "I did some digging
and found out that the only time off Phia had before coming to the
STONEHENGE was two weeks between the ONEIROI and your ship.  That two
weeks off in 6 years, to deal with all the crap SFA and SFI dealt
her."  Shaking his head he muttered, "And it's not even like she did
anything good.  She went back to BOLARUS IX to find the graves of her
parents.  Goddamn SFI knew her parents died but decided that finding
the traitor on my ship was more important and never told her about her
parents' death until long afterwards.  She spent her only 2 week
vacation finding their graves and closing up their home."

"We've had a few shoreleaves since she's come aboard," Maddie pointed out.

Jack looked at his fellow CO.  "Did she do anything useful?  Fun?  Interesting?"

"She spent one confined to ship for lying to senior officers," Peter admitted.

Maddie shook her head.  "Even when she's had the other shoreleaves she
didn't really do much in the way of extracurricular activities."

"She doesn't know how to balance her work and her life.  Hell she
can't figure out her own head, let alone the idea of fun.  Every time
she's ever gotten close to it she's had to remind herself that danger
lurks and she'll pull herself back," Jack sighed.  "I gotta admit that
being CNS might have been the best thing for her."

"Now that I don't get," Maddie said.

Daisy interjected here.  "Let me take a guess, if I may."

"Go for it, little lady," Captain Keefe offered.

Daisy grinned at that before diving in.  "She got help, I can't
believe I'm saying this about the Phia I know, from helping others.
It's common with Counselors, actually.  Helping others allows you to
get perspective on your life."

"That's it," Jack grinned.  "Hit it on the head.  For the most part
Phia sorted out the crew and I think she found some balance in her
life.  But it was when she was with me, reporting on her real mission
on the ONEIROI that she changed.  It was like…I could see her clicking
in her brain to go to another part of her life.  And all that clicking
back and forth – undercover agent, friend, lover, counselor – well the
switches back and for just about broke."  Looking over at Maddie the
Texan continued on, "I know you say she's not a machine but SFA and
SFI beat the crap out of her, both physically and psychologically.  I
think she's forgotten who she is, why it is she's doing what she is."

Daisy leaned in over her desk.  "SFA?  What about SFA?"

"Does anyone here know anything about an Operation Cambridge?" Jack asked.

"I do," Drake said quietly.  Turning to the others he explained, "A
few years ago SFA decided to change the way to train its Intel majors.
 I don't know how much anyone remembers about their SFA training but
surely along the way you all had what's know as trust-training.
Learning to trust your fellow officers and the like."  Seeing the nods
around the office he said, "When training Intel Agents they did the
opposite – taught them that every time they reached out to another
they would only get punished for it."

"That's awful," Maddie replied.

"There's more," Drake said.  "They used physical and psychological
torture to break down the Cadets.  All those Cadets knew by the end
was that whatever SFI told them was right – even if it was wrong."

"Oh gods," Maddie sighed.  "And this was allowed?"

Peter shook his head.  "I just got off a conference call with some our
friends on EARTH," the XO said knowing Maddie would catch his
reference to whom, "and I was told that while it's no longer
happening, this wasn't realized as a problem until Cadets had already
passed through the program."

"So now what?" Maddie asked.

"We wait for Phia to wake up," Daisy replied.

During all this Xav'ion sat next to Phia's bed, unsure what to do.
Looking up at Dr. Sperling he asked, "How is she?"

Sam checked the readings.  Once Phia had gone into her catatonia,
Maddie agreed to release Sam into Sickbay under the guidance of
Security so that the doctor could help out.  "Same," he sighed.
Looking over at the Security officer he said, "Thank you for releasing
me, I just wish I could be doing something more."

The hybrid Security officer shook his head at that.  "Can I ask a
question?"  When Sam nodded he said, "I heard you and Captain Keefe
referring to when Phia saved you?  When was that?"

Sam smiled wryly at that.  "Ah yes, that."  Seeing Phia's vitals
unchanged he jumped up on another bed and looked over at Ardy.  "You
gotta understand – the ONEIROI is normally stationed along the Neutral
Zone, right by the Romulans.  It's not exactly the calmest of
postings, if you catch my drift."  Shaking his head he said, "So
anyway I got on the ship, green out of ACT.  Phia was already aboard
as CNS.  We have an encounter with the Romulans, some of us got
captured, myself included."  Closing his eyes for a moment the young
doctor appeared to be shaking and quite upset.  When that passed he
opened up his eyes, "We had to use lethal force to get out."

Shaking his head Sam continued on, "You gotta understand, I'm a
doctor.  I love what I do.  I take it seriously.  But I killed people.
 Yes, they're enemies of mine, but deep down they're people.  They
have a right to their lives, even if I don't agree with them.   And I
knew deep down, I'd do it again.  Faced with the same situation, yeah,
I'd shoot those Romulans again.

"I thought I was a failure.  What kind of doctor willingly takes the
life of another?   I didn't talk about it, didn't want to mention it
to anyone, but it ate at me.  Eventually I put a phaser to my temple.
I just snapped, and one day while a group of us were in the shuttlebay
I put a phaser to my temple, telling everyone that I would rather
shoot myself than go back out to face the Romulans.  The Counselor
there started to speak and gave some kind of general lovey-dovey lines
about how well liked I was and all that.  But when you're that
depressed, generic lines like that won't work.

"Someone must have called Phia cause suddenly she was there.  I liked
Phia, she was a bit like my older sister, constantly hassling me and
yelling at me to sit up and not be such a jerk-off.  So I think that's
why they called her.  Suddenly she was standing there, very calm and
I'll never forget what she said, "Unbearable pain can be survived.
Help is available.  You are not alone.  But Sam, if you want to shoot
yourself, only you can do that and no matter what I say or do, it
won't mean a damn thing because only you can pull that trigger.  But
if you want help, I'll get you through this and then we'll do it
together.""

Sam smiled at that memory.  "She was right.  I was the only one who
could fire the phaser, but when you're that depressed you forget that
there are others who would help you, and she reminded me of that.  So
yeah, when I say she saved my life, it wasn't just a cliché.  She
really did."

"I wouldn't have guessed," Ardy exhaled sitting back.  "I had no idea
she was a Counselor."

Sam chuckled at that.  "Well…day to day Counseling she was a
bit…uhm…rougher around the edges, maybe I should say.  If you broke up
with your current bonking buddy and were sobbing in her office that
your life was over, rumor was that Phia would take out one of those
foam aggression bats and chase you out screaming she had real problems
to deal with your quote 'dumbass backwards problems that five year old
could figure out' unquote."  Shaking his blonde head Sam became
serious, "But something serious…she was great.  I wasn't the only one
who had to be talked down from something incredibly stupid like that."

Jumping off the free biobed Sam patted Ardy on the shoulder and said,
"Don't worry, I'm not making a break for it, just going to ask Dr.
Davidson something."

"Thanks," Ardy replied, not mentioning that Landwyn was the door
making sure Sam didn't bolt, not that any of them thought he would.

Xav'ion sat there for a bit longer shaking his head at the ILO.  "I
still don't you," he muttered.

"I got an idea," Izshlana announced from behind the aSec.  When he
turned around she smiled, "I overheard a bit of Daisy's conversation
with Captain Zanders and Phia's old CO so I kinda know what's going on
there, and I overheard you and this doctor, and Landwyn filled me in
before I got here so I think I know what's going on."

"Okay," Ardy replied leaning back.  "And what's your great idea?"

Izzy grinned.  "I'm going to go to sleep."

=/\=
TI:  A few hours later

Daisy and Aerdan were divided on the matter of whether or not Izhslana
should use her dream telepathy to help out Phia.  So they sat in their
office and hashed out the pros and cons away from prying ears.

"I'm not saying that Lt. Phia doesn't need help but I'm concerned
about putting Ensign Vort into a situation where she might not be able
to recover," Daisy said while sipping an iced tea.  "There are other
treatments we can use for Phia without endangering anyone."

The Andorian's eyes glazed over but his antennae were swaying back and
forth as he focused his concentration.  "Ens. Vort would not
immediately be in trouble.  She would be here in Sickbay where we
could bring her out of her drug-induced sleep.  She would be using her
own telepathic skills – this would allow her to develop those further
while assisting Lt. Phia in the most non-invasive way as possible."

"Dream telepathy is hardly non-invasive!  Izzy is going to become
intimately acquainted with Phia's personal dreams and thoughts –
that's incredibly invasive from a psychological point of view," Daisy
replied.  "And Phia is a closed off person – how do we know that she'd
want this?"

Jos nodded his head out towards the main part of Sickbay.  "I'm sure
she wouldn't want to be in that state.  And you and I both know that
the longer she stays like that the more unlikely it will be for her to
come out of it.  Most cases of catatonia or waking comas are reversed
when there is a shock to the neurological system within the first
24-72 hours after the state is initiated.  What more of a shock is
there to the neurological system than having another person enter your
mind?"

What interrupted their discussion was a series of large clangings;
rushing out of their office they saw Izshlana coming into Sickbay
dressed in what appeared to be Alterian warrior clothes a with a small
arsenal of weapons including a sword that Ardy recognized as being
Phia's.

"I'm good," Izzy called out shooing off the doctors.  "I'll just get
set up and wait for you to get me that stuff I need to keep sleeping."

Ardy, who hadn't left Phia's side, looked up at his friend coming with
enough weapons for a small army and got up for the first time in hours
to help Izzy.  "Why are you bringing this all in?"

"Cause what I touch I can bring with me in the dream.  And I don't
know what it is that Phia is seeing…but it can't be good, can it?"
Izshlana asked quietly.

Xav'ion looked back over at Phia where she lay open eyed but unaware
on the biobed.  Except for blinking a few times – which the doctors
told him was nothing more than a biological response to having her
eyes open – she hadn't moved.  "I don't know, Izzy.  I just don't
know," he whispered.

"You really care for her don't you?" the Alterian asked quietly.

Ardy shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment.  Opening up his
eyes he said, "I couldn't stand her the first day I met her and I'm
pretty sure she hated me on sight."

"Oh that's Phia's reaction to everybody," Izzy replied cheerfully.

"Yeah it is," he grinned.  His grin fell after another moment.  "She
drives me crazy, seriously up the wall crazy.  She's demanding and has
no concept of what it is to be polite.  And…I like it.  I never know
what's going to happen, what she'll say next, but I want to know what
it is and I know no matter what she'll be as honest with me as I am
with her…" he trailed off.  Shaking his head he looked over and down
at the shorter aSec.  "Get her out of whatever she's trapped herself
in.  But I think…no I know Phia wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

Izzy smiled at that as she pushed a biobed closer to Phia's bed.  "I
won't hurt myself," the multi-colored hair aSec replied easily.

"Why are you doing this?" Ardy asked as he helped her move the bed.

"Cause she got me drugs when I asked her to and I know that wasn't
easy for her to agree to do," Izshlana replied honestly.

Ardy rolled his eyes.  "She only had to sit in the brig for that.
Honestly, Izzy now I'm getting worried about you and I'm already
worried about her."

Izzy patted Ardy's cheek once she jumped up on the biobed.  "I'll get
her back, don't you worry about either one of us," she smiled.
Arranging her weapons around her, Izzy made sure to hold Phia's sword
in one hand and one of her own weapons in another.  "If I start to
wake up, tell the doctors to keep me under.  Phia and I will wake up
on our own, don't worry."

"Yeah don't worry, that's rich," Xav'ion sighed.

=/\=

Location:  PHIA'S DREAMSCAPE
Scene:  SFA – Nathan Hale Complex -> Phia's childhood home
	
It took Izzy a few moments to settle herself in the dream and check
that she had everything.  When she finally sorted out that she had
everything she looked up and saw a younger Phia strapped down to a
chair, fully dressed except for having no shoes or socks on.  Her blue
feet were propped up and strapped down to a stool in front of her and
next to the stool was a bucket of salt water.

Then there was a pair of goats by Phia's feet licking them.  And Phia
was laughing so hard that she was crying and sobbing.  Suddenly Izzy
realized that the laughing wasn't merry but more pained, and in
between the gasps she heard the younger woman begging for release.

"Is this a metaphor?" Izzy wondered allowed.

"No, that actually happened," Phia replied from behind Izzy.  When the
Alterian turned around she saw Phia as she knew her now leaning
against a wall in the far corner.

"Why?" Izzy asked.  "Actually let me back up – what is this?"

"It's an ancient form of Terran torture – tickle torture.  In this
case my feet were soaked in salt water and the goats licked them.  I
was restrained so I couldn't kick them away and goats don't listen to
you saying "no".  There was no way for me to get out," Phia explained
very oddly detached at she watched herself being tortured.  "The why
of this happening is also quite simple it was meant to teach me a
lesson."

"What's lesson?" Izzy asked.

"That I couldn't be happy unless I was told to be," Phia replied.

Izshlana shook her head at that.  "That's stupid."

"No, it's not," Phia replied calmly.  "SFI needs people who will be
unquestioning in what they ask them to do.  I was not allowed to trust
my own instincts.  SFI had to retrain everything about me."

"Why?  Were you that bad before?"  Izshlana asked.

The scene changed and suddenly Phia was even younger – a teenager if
Izzy had to guess – and she was wearing a loose fitting shirt and
black leggings with her own dark haired tied back and was brandishing
a sword that Izzy recognized.  A tall lean Vulcan man was standing
opposite Phia wearing more sedate clothes and had his own sword in
hand.  "Your form is excellent but you need more imagination," the man
said.

"Your father?" Izzy guessed.

Phia nodded.  Leaning against a tree in the courtyard she watched her
teenage self spar with her father.  "Yes.  He was the first one who
taught me how to fight."

"What do you need imagination for?" Phia argued as she began sparring
again with her father.

"The daughter of an artist shouldn't be asking that," Virik responded.
 Knowing how his daughter's mind would work he feigned right before
diving deep.  "People don't always fight fair, you know that."

"This isn't art," Phia replied haughtily as she jumped back only to
push then on ahead further.  "Imagination has its place in limited
arenas.  But bringing emotion into something like fighting only brings
trouble."  Giving him a look she said, "If you hadn't rejected Surak's
teachings then you'd be agreeing with me."

Virik looked unphased.  "I haven't rejected Surak, I just realize that
you can't live in a place as vast as our universe and only adhere to
one philosophy."

"Nam-tor Ozhika kluterek t'sha'sutenivaya – k'ish she-tor etek
s'nezhak – isan utvau vah sha'kakhartayek," Phia responded.

Virik raised an eyebrow at that.  "Nam-tor rubah bolaya-Torek
t'ek'nam<."  As they danced around while clashing swords he switched
to Federation Standard.  "And may I remind you, little one, that Surak
said that too."

A short, round, bald Bolian woman came out of the house wiping her
hands on a painter's smock.  "Would you two stop speaking in Vulcan?
You know I can't understand it."

Virik raised his sword straight up in a signal for a stop.  Once Phia
stopped, the Vulcan man turned around and gave a loving glance to his
wife.  "Oh and what do I say when you speak Bolian with our
daughters?"

Elax gave her husband a look.  "That's not the same."

"How so?" Virik asked.

"That's me and not you," Elax responded tartly.  Smiling at her
daughter she pulled her lean daughter down to give her a kiss on the
cheek.  "Be a good girl and tell your mother what you said.  Otherwise
when we go shopping for your items for the Academy I'll make sure to
buy you something terribly showy and outrageous."

Phia rolled her eyes at that but a large smile also peeked out from
her blue lips.  She lacked her mother's artistic flair in her personal
life and her mother loved to tease her about it.  "I said 'Logic is
the cement of our civilization with which we ascend from chaos, using
reason as our guide'.  Father responded by quoting Surak who said,
'Change is the essential process of all existence'."  Shaking her head
at her shorter mother Phia said cheekily, "Sorry Mom, I didn't mention
you at all."

"Oh," Elax responded her face dropping.

Phia looked concerned.  "What is it?"

"I was hoping you were talking about what to buy me," the Bolian woman
responded.  "No matter, you two can talk about what to buy me later.
Come on in, it's almost dinner time," she responded by walking back
into the house.

"Why are we buying mom a gift?" Phia whispered to her father as she
gave him a hug as a way of thanking him for the dueling.

"It's Tuesday?" he guessed hugging her back and followed it up with a
kiss on the top of her head.  Following his daughter into the house he
shrugged, "I've stopped asking a long time ago."

As they watched Phia and Virik walk back in the house Izzy chuckled.
"I like your mum."

"Everyone liked her," Phia replied wistfully.  "I admired her.  And my dad."

"I can see that," Izzy replied.  "You were very lucky, you know that?"

"I know," Phia replied.  "I had a family that loved me and cherished
me.  I have a sister too, you haven't seen her yet but she's also
lovely.  More like my mom than my dad and so everyone adores her.
But…yes, people live far worse lives that I did."

Shaking her head she said, "I don't get it.  What's the matter?"

Phia sat down in the dream replication of the courtyard.  "Wait."

The image shifted and Izzy realized that time was passing.  Now Phia
looked older.  Less relaxed.  More restrained.  More like the Phia she
knew.  And it broke Izzy's heart.  She had just seen a lovely relaxed
Phia and the contrast couldn't have been more.

"Phia, I don't understand this," Elax said as she sat at the table.
"I thought you were going to be a counselor."

"I was, but now I'm going to be Intel," Phia responded neutrally.
Folding her hands on the patio table she continued on, "I am going to
have to return and leave the artwork you gave me behind.  I will not
be able to take any personal effects with me when I go out in the
field."

"What about the swords your father's given you?" Elax asked sharply.

"I can't bring non-regulation items with me," Phia replied quietly.

"Your father's worked very hard to give you those items.  Phia you
love your swords and art!" Elax exclaimed.  The Bolian woman threw her
hands up in the air and looked at her husband.  "You talk to her!
Speak in Vulcan for all I care – just make her see reason."

Virik raised a hand for quiet.  Looking at his daughter he said, "I
don't care if you don't take the swords with you or the artwork.  But
I'm concerned about you.  You've always been reserved with meeting new
people but with us…Phia you were never this cold to us.  Tell us
what's going on."

Phia stood up and gave her father a pitying glance.  "I am not the
daughter you knew.  You had best get used to that."

"Oh Phia," Izzy sighed as she turned to her friend. "What a lousy thing to say."
	
"I know that now," Phia responded as she watched the scene
dispassionately.  "I hurt them terribly."  Swallowing the lump in her
throat she said, "This was the last time I saw them alive."  Watching
the scene in the background as her parents tried to argue with her to
make her see reason and not go into Intel, Phia shook her head.  "I
didn't think they'd die.  I thought they'd live long enough to see
reason."  Laughing mirthlessly she said, "I didn't think it would be
like this."

"Phia, I'm sure your parents still loved you," Izzy responded quietly.
 "Even if you were a rude snot to them the last time they saw you."

The scene changed and Izzy realized more time had passed.  Now Phia
was wearing all black and facing three people who were bound, gagged,
and had their heads covered in sack bags.  Without any emotion showing
on her face Phia raised her arm and shot them all.

"What did they do?" Izzy asked.

"I don't know," Phia responded quietly.  "I didn't know who they were
or what they had done.  I was told to go into this room and shoot
them.  I was told to shoot them because they were enemies of the
Federation – the order came from an Admiral Greaves and I nodded and
went off.  And I did.  It's been years later and they haunt me still."

"You did what you had to," Izshlana offered up.

"How do you figure that?  It wasn't like I was fighting for my life.
It wasn't like if I didn't kill them they'd kill me – they'd never
seen me before," the blue woman argued.  Shaking her head the vision
before them split down the middle and Izzy saw Phia's family on the
left and the three dead persons on the right.  "How do I remember how
to be their daughter and still be the person who can do that."

"Phia…do you want to keep doing that?" Izzy asked.

Phia brought up her knees to her chin.  "I don't think so," she said quietly.

"Okay we're done here then," Izzy replied cheerfully as she jumped up.

"I don't know how to be anything else though," Phia continued on.  "I
don't know how to go back to the way I was, so happy.  I can't seem to
let myself to be like that."

"Right back to a problem," the Alterian sighed as she got back down.
Playing with a ball and chain she had brought with her Izzy thought
for a few moments before grinning.  "Okay this is easy."

Phia winged an eyebrow up at that.  "Oh?"

"I'll teach you how to be happy.  We'll enlist everyone to help.  It's
like you get to rediscover who you are.  It'll be an adventure," Izzy
smiled.  Becoming serious she said, "Phia you're breaking apart and
staying in here will only make it worse."  Pointing to the memories,
which were now spinning out of control she said, "You'll never survive
this whirlwind of emotions and memories, especially after suppressing
it for so long, if you stay here."

"I'm afraid.   It's too scary to go outside myself and think about
what to do," Phia whispered.  Yanking Izzy close she warned
menacingly, "And you can't repeat that when you leave here."

"Can't repeat – you're scared witless – got it," Izzy nodded.  Prying
Phia's fingers from her collar she said, "Truly I got it, Fee."

The whirlwind of emotions and memories became intense – it reminded
Izzy of a tornado except they were in the eye of it.  Phia wasn't
going to survive this, Izzy thought to herself.  "Come with me, Phia,
you have to want to get better."  When Phia didn't move Izshlana
nibbled her lip as Phia's mind kept spinning round and round.
Suddenly she hit upon an idea.  "Your friend Sam broke onto the
STONEHENGE to find you.  He told Ardy something and Ardy told me and
I'll tell you it now.  Unbearable pain can be survived.  Help is
available.  You are not alone.  But Phia, if you want to stay here,
only you can do that and no matter what I say or do, it won't mean a
thing because only you can stay put.  But if you want help, I'll get
you through this and then we'll do it together."

Phia looked up and Izzy was gone.

=/\=
Scene:  Sickbay

Izzy sat straight up gasping for breath.  Xav'ion looked over at her
and asked as he moved over to her side, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Izzy replied.  Looking sadly at her friend she answered
his unasked question, "I don't know if it worked.  Phia has to want it
to work."

"Five minutes," Phia gasped.  Blinking against the glare of harsh
lights of Sickbay.  "Quiet for five minutes, I'll do whatever you want
but stop nagging me."

Izzy was so happy that Phia was awake that she stayed quiet for four
and half minutes while she held Phia's hand.
		
=/\=
TI:  Later

"How are you feeling?" Ardy asked quietly.  He had been sitting by her
side the entire time since she had gotten here (minus the moments the
doctors shooed him away for exams) but this was the first time he
actually had gotten to ask her this without ten different people
hovering over them.

Phia shrugged her shoulders at that.  "Physically I am fine," she
replied.  Frowning in concentration she said, "The last time I recall
being awake I was with you.  Is that correct?"

The aSec nodded.  "Yeah.  Although *with me* might be a bit of a
stretch," he smiled weakly.  "You were just ahead of me but still
yelling at me.  It was impressive."

"I try," Phia replied.  Looking down at her hands she said very
quietly, "I'm sorry that you had to see me like...that."

Ardy reached out and brushed his hand with Phia's.  "It's ok," he
replied.  When Phia looked doubtfully over at him he sighed, "Really
it is."

Phia seemingly accepted this with a nod.  For a few moments they said
nothing-just letting their hands touch while sitting in silence.
Finally Xav'ion withdrew his hand and ran it through his hair.  He
knew what he thought he should do, it didn't mean though that he
wanted to do it.  Still he liked to think of himself as honorable, and
it would only be honorable to do this.  From what Izzy said Phia was
having a crisis of self – she just didn't know who it was that she was
anymore.  It didn't seem quite fair to burden her with his feelings,
or presume anymore that she might feel the same way.

"Well I imagine you'll be recovering for awhile," Xav'ion started off.
 When Phia looked over he continued on, "From what you've said
and...yes, I've heard, it won't be easy, will it?"

"Figuring out who you are and not what someone else tried to make you
into being...at this stage of my life?  No I suppose it's
not...typical," the azure woman replied.

"Well...I don't know how much I'll be able to help, but as a *friend*,
you know if you need anything..." he said, letting his words trail
off.  Clearing his throat he said, "I mean I probably won't be able to
spend as much time in Solstice talking to you about things but maybe
every so often if we happened to run into each other that could be ok."

A friend?  A *friend*? Phia raised an eyebrow at that -- whatever it
was between them it wasn't *friendly*.  She was about to raise her
voice to this suggestion when suddenly it hit her.  A man like Xav'ion
wouldn't want someone so broken down psychologically.  He could have
his choice of partners, why he'd want to spend his time with someone
so confused when he could be with someone so much more together just
didn't make sense.  And being the damn *honorable* person he was he
wouldn't want to actually hurt the poor *fragile* Bolian/Vulcan.

Determined not to let him see just how much he hurt her, Phia nodded
sharply at that.  "That's quite logical, thank you Xav'ion."

He closed his eyes briefly at that.  Of all the things this was --
yes, it was extremely logical.  That just didn't make it what he
wanted.

"I'm quite tired," Phia continued on, "so if you don't mind..."

"No not at all.  Get better," he said.  After she nodded at him to go,
Ardy shook his head and walked out of Sickbay.  He was so busy trying
to not look back that he never saw Phia turn over on her side and cry
silently.  Because of all the things Phia was pretty sure of at this
moment that she wanted (and there weren't many of those things) one of
them was the man walking out of Sickbay.

=/\=
Scene:  Science Labs
TI:  While all the above is going on

"You want me to what?"

Matthew Boone-Aspinall sat opposite the CSciO and looked at him dead
in the eye.  "A convicted traitor just walked out of SING SING II
because of a technicality," he said.  "And he's aiming for someone on
this ship.  And it shames me to admit this but Starfleet Security has
dropped the ball on tracking him."

"What about SFI?" Thomas asked.  "Surely if he's that much of a threat
then they'd track him."

Matthew shook his head.  "He's looking for Phia and SFI is washing
their hands of her."

"Whatever," Thomas replied.

Matthew had heard from Ardy and Peter what was going on with the ILO
and far be from him to share people's personal lives but he was a
loyal person.  "She's a member of the STONEHENGE.  And do you really
think he's going to only aim for he and not take a shot at any of us
if need be?"

Thomas sat back and looked over at Matthew.  Sighing he said, "What do
you need me to do?"

"Go into every database – both Starfleet and non-fleet -- you can
find," Matthew said.  "I'll give you his last location, and known
aliases.  We need to track him and now."

Thomas held out a hand to take the PADD from Matthew's hand that had
the information he had.

=/\=
Scene:  Sickbay

Jack Keefe sat next to Phia's bed and swung up his boots on the edge
of it.  "Well little Miss Phia, how you feelin'?"

"I've been worse," Phia replied picking lint off the blanket over her.

Shaking his head he said, "You got folks who care for you here.  You'd
be stupider than Sam if you let that go."

"Gods forbid I be like that," Phia agreed.  Looking thoughtful she
asked, "Why is the ONEIROI here?"

"Cause we had to chase after Sam," Jack replied gruffly.

"Hmm…really?" Phia replied.  "Cause you know I'm thinking that if Sam
stole a shuttle to come here…well the ONEIROI could catch up with him
easily…"  Folding her arms across her chest she said, "And you're not
one to let Sam go off into trouble by himself, no matter what you
say."

"What a smart mouth you have on you," Jack grumbled.  "I'll let Maddie
handle you," he said with an appraising glance across the Sickbay.

Phia rolled her eyes at that.  "She's got someone.  I doubt she's
interested in being ex-wife number 5.  Is that what we'd be up to?"

"Six," Jack replied easily.  "My last wife came and went."

"They all do," Phia replied dryly.  "You know you can just sleep with
them and let them run up your credit line without saying "I do"."

"What's the fun in that?" he grinned.

Phia shook her head at that.  "You're hopeless."

Sam came bounding over.  "You're getting out of here and I got an idea!"

=/\=
Scene:  Phia's Quarters

"What is this…thing?" Phia asked as a small furry bundle was let loose
in her quarters.

"It's a puppy!" Sam grinned as he let the dog loose.  "Jack found the dog – "

"Sicker than a parrot without a pirate," Jack muttered.  "Poor little
lady was knocked up and worse off than any little thing should be."

Phia shook her head at that and knelt on the ground.  "Shy creature,"
she said dryly as the dog grabbed a hold of her tunic and began
tugging on it.

"This little guy is the runt of the litter.  He's sick," Sam
explained.  "And he needs a home."

Phia looked up at her former crewmembers and gave them a look.  "Me?
You want to leave a sick puppy with me?"

"You used to take care of me," Sam admitted as he got down on the
ground with her.  "You can take care of him too."

"Help ya remember that not everything that is wounded is gonna go for
the slaughterhouse," Jack said quietly.

=/\=
Scene:  CO's Ready Room

"What do you want, Phia?" Maddie asked quietly.

Phia sat opposite the CO and stared at her intently.  "I think I want
to go into Counseling.  But I never finished everything I needed to do
that."

Mad'hron leaned back in her chair and sipped a Vulcan mocha.  "Here's
the thing, you have administrative experience but not field
experience.  There's no reason why you couldn't be a department head.
As for actual field experience – you have enough of a background to
handle sessions.  For your certification, however, you'll need some
more tutoring.  I've looked over your background and you're missing
some medical classes.  So I've arranged for Dr. Jos to be your tutor."

"Tutor?" Phia replied faintly.  "I have to go back to school?"

"Yes," Maddie replied, waiting for the outburst.  "Now are you sure
you want this?  Or you could stay in ILO and fight Intel."

"I won't stay where I'm not wanted," Phia vowed.

"You're wanted in Counseling then," Maddie replied.  Everyone had
reasons for why they did what they did.  Perhaps Phia in part needed
to feel needed.  And maybe Jack was right and in being needed she'd
figure out how to heal herself.

=/\=
Scene:  Counseling Center

Thomas Varns had a few unpleasant things to do this morning.  First
was his annual counseling review.  Second was find Lt. Phia and tell
her that he couldn't track down Ryland Barnes which meant that the
traitor was out there, and from what the ONEIROI crew said before they
left, would probably be gunning for Phia.

"Ensign Varns?"

Thomas turned around to see Lieutenant Phia standing there.  "Uhm…yes?"

"Come on in, you're next," she called out.

Walking into the room Thomas saw a rather empty room except for some
soft couches.  "What are you doing here?"

Phia raised a delicate black eyebrow.  "No one told you?  I'm the CNS
now and I'll be handling your review.  Have a seat."

**Nooo, no one has told anyone about this,** Thomas thought to himself
as he went looking for a chair.  Seeing a small furry bundle come
bounding out at him from behind Phia's beansack that she was sitting
on he asked, "What's that?"

"My dog, Killer," she replied looking at the five pound Pekingese dog.
 "No, no bad dog!  You don't attack now – only on my command," she
said as the dog came trotting back over.  Looking over she said,
"Sorry we're working on our manners."

"Of course," Thomas murmured.

"Now onto the Counseling session," Phia said.  "You will tell me how
you're feeling, I will ask questions and offer responses and at the
end I'll give you your evaluation.  You have a serious problem, I will
offer up serious solutions or suggestions.  But if you give me some
touchy-feeling crap like you didn't get enough hugs when you were five
then so help me I'm siccing Killer on you as I swing you upside the
head with the foam bats.  Are we understood?"

"Great," the CSciO sighed.

=/\=
TI:  Later

"Dr. Foster and Lt. Orla thank you for meeting me here," Phia said.
"I'll get to the point.  You should like this," she continued on
giving them no room to disagree with that statement.

"You're leaving?" Foster asked hopefully.

"Not that lucky," Phia replied blithely.  "Now as part of your
community service – "

"Community service!  Are you kidding?" Foster grumbled.

"While I might have changed jobs recently I have not become a
comedienne," Phia responded dryly.  "Now you two will become two of
our teachers for the school we're starting on the STONEHENGE."

"School?" Landwyn asked.  "You want us to be teachers?"

"Yes, I'll be the equivalent of principal, overseeing curriculum and
handling the occasional class and I plan to ask for volunteers from
the staff to teach in subjects they're comfortable in," Phia continued
on.  "But you two have to do this as part of your payback to the ship.
 All your choices are what to teach," she smiled with an acidic
sweetness.

=/\=
Scene:  Phia's Quarters

Right her first day as CNS was done.  Lying down on her bed she sighed
while looking up at the ceiling.  "How do you figure out what you
want, Killer?"

The little dog yelped so she picked him up and put him on the bed with
her.  The dog ran around in circles before snuggling up to the woman
licking her nose.  "I want you," she said quietly.  "And I think I
want to be a Counselor after all…we'll take the rest of it as it comes
I suppose."

=/\=

Sarah Albertini-Bond serendipity77_at_gmail.com
Lieutenant Phia
CNS
USS STONEHENGE


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